Skidder Queen's

In the world we live in today you may encounter a wide variety of queens.
You could play cards with Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands and beat her with Queens over eights, retun to your home in Queens where you stop to pick some Daucus carota (Queen Anne’s lace) from the garden but get stung by a Queen bee while do so and decide to go sleep off the events of the day in your Queen sized bed only to be awoken by a phone call from you sister the drama Queen. This paper is not about any of those Queens. It’s about a type of Queen that I have encountered only here in Maine, the Skidder Queen.
While the Skidder Queen (Skiddus Regina) pronounced Skiddah Qween, may exist in other regions of the country they primarily live here in Maine. Some may have migrated as far west as Northern California and as far north as the Canadian province of Nunavut. It is however unlikely that any have made their way south of the Mason- Dixon line as the climate is to warm for them to sport their flannel. Some Skidder Queens make their home in Southern and Central Maine but the greatest abundance can be found in Hancock, Piscataquis, Somerset, Penobscot, Washington, Franklin and Aroostook county’s. While know for their independence , the Skidder Queen will follow their male counter part provided that he has enough back hair, no less than 4 missing teeth, beer breath and a sleeve of Grizzly long cut dip. While not working on the farm or in the woods, most can be found at any dive of a bar in or around their habitat.
While no two Skidder Queens are exactly alike many have the same characteristics. You may ask yourself “Self, how will I know when I see a Skidder Queen?). Skidder Queens come in all shapes and size’s but for the most part has a girth that is larger than that of the average Maine woman. This is due to the fact that a large portion of their caloric in take comes from Allen’s Coffee Brandy and whole milk. While this is the primary beverage of the Skidder Queen they have been know to drink Budweiser, Canadian LTD and Black Velvet. Normally the Skidder Queen is observed wearing a flannel shirt, Carnhart pants, work boots and an old dirty ball cap. Skidder Queens have a fondness for all things flannel and will be seen wearing flannel shirts throughout the four seasons of Maine. If you get close enough to one you will detect the aroma of bar and chain oil, gasoline, diesel, beer or Marlboro Reds or possibly the combination of any of the five. Many times the Skidder Queen will be seen with a lip full of any long cut chewing tobacco. They refer to this as a “Big ol’ lippah”. Most are proficient with a chain saw, power tools and hand tools. It is not uncommon to see them cut wood, wrench on a car or building their own outhouses.
Now that you know what to look for you should know how to deal with one should you encounter it in the wild. If in a good mood a Skidder Queen can make for a good drinking buddy. They are known to be outgoing, honest and generally have a good sense of humor. While fun to be around no man should ever take up a arm wrestling challenge from a Skidder Queen as the impending loss is an embarrassment that no true friend would ever let him live down. Should however you make the mistake of angering one you should follow these steps; Step one- Break any direct eye contact but do not take your eyes off the Skidder Queen, Step two- Back away to the nearest exit in a slow, non-aggressive manner, Step three- When you get to the door turn and run!

I have told you about the Skidder Queens natural habitat, where to find them and how to distinguish between that of a normal Maine girl and a Skidder Queen. Now it’s up to you to get out there and explore this great state of ours in the hopes of having you very experience with a Skidder Queen. Keep in mind what I told you to look for and how to handle yourself and you should come back with all your limbs and just remember, no feeding the wild life.